...

the past should have been forgotten.
the past should not have been mentioned.
for the past is nothing but the hurdle that makes me fall again and again, the poison that end my remaining journey forward.

the past is haunting me, still.
it changed me, it breaks me - it built this "wall" around my broken heart, and hid me well.

i'd gave 100% once,
i'd tried yet again and gave 100% twice.

but love simply fail me.
and they simply crushed me.

i'd love to love u they way i do in the past,
but im scared, in fact too scared to even try giving the most fundamental - and what i did is, i simply hide - hide behind that "u-like-me-more-than-i-like-u" bullshit. and it's bullshit simply because.. love cannot be measured.

i'd love to tell u, "i love u too"
i'd love to text u, "baby, where are u? miss u to bits and pieces"
i'd love to announce that, "im in a relationship with ..."
i'd love to write u letters on those pretty letter papers..
i'd love to make u feel im serious about us too.
i'd love to let u know about my worries and unhappiness..
i'd love to make u cookies, cakes and small little things just to see ur smile..
i'd love to grow old with u, if time allow us to - and be ur girl always..

i'd love to do so many so many things..

but, im sorry - timid, broken me am just too scared to give it one more try..

the strong, happy girl that u see each day,
is in fact just a fragile, broken little girl who simply can't walk out of her darkness.

all she wants is to feel..

loved.
cared.
needed.
wanted.
respected.
appreciated.

that u're proud to have her as ur beloved,
and not see her as a fool/burden that disgrace u.

im just too scared.. too scared..

too scared to give.
too scared to love.
too scared to start anew.
too scared to end things when the time is here.

im just too worried/scared..

hate to start anew.
hate to end things.
hate to feel abondoned and unwanted.
hate to be alone - loneliness makes me further depressed.
hate to be played.

so much on my mind,
so little words to express oneself.

yearning to feel "pain"
but it's not a right thing to be doing - now.
looking at the scars, a reminder of stupidity and foolishness.

an act of the past, should be left hehind in the past.