29 feb.
2008, the leap year.

moi can be so random at times.
do pardon moi. waiting.
waiting for the day i don't need to cry anymore.
waiting for the day i no longer need to shed a single tear.
waiting for the day...

so when is that day coming? mahjong on facebook and..
nds the whole day.

bleah.

time to get psp, ps3 n` wii? waiting.

waiting for the letter of offer from SIM.
earliest sent by late may.

omg. sucha long wait!

...

and time to forgo the old friends and welcome the new ones.
hurhurhur. zero.
just like zero. nothing.

heh. what's am i rattling about?

no idea.
nothing make sense.

...

one testimonial, one hope.
or was it chance?

couldn't remember anymore, anything.

we were kids back then. ha.
and disappointing adults this moment. if everything is a "anything",
than why are we still a "something"?

when i walk away,
that's the end, final end.

and i will when no matter how hard i tried,
u'r still the same old u.

...

i need some air.
i need to breathe. hotpot with colleagues was good.
but my tummy's feeling weird right now. heh.

awww. im so tireddddd.
last day of work tmr!
looking forward to next week - OFF week*

oh. did i mention?
hmm. nevermind. heh.

time to wash up and rest for the day.

...

i know why i love to visit clubs sometimes.
i know why i have the urge to linger in the streets till late at times.

because.

i love the night.
i love the drink.
i love the music.
and i love companionship. Edison is just human.

Human make mistakes, silly mistakes. Personally, i strongly don't find him with any faults regarding the recent sex photo saga. In fact, i feel that he's just another victim like the other ladies involved.

The world should just give him a break and leave him alone!

Why would you fellow humans wanna hurt just another human?

Hope Edison and those ladies involved will heal their wounds soon and live life just like before. God bless.

...

wine helps to put me to sleep. bad dream.
bad bad dream.

dream of betrayal.
dream of deception. i need my bf, and i need my bf to need me.

if not, what's the point of being together?

tears' not only salty, but bitter.

i should have go, should have go.. should have go..

go, went, gone.

...

Is It You? - Cassie

I'm looking for a lover not a friend
Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep me real and who knows the way
The way I like to have my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Im Thinking you're the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? (Could you be?)
Could you be the one I need?

I'm looking for someone to share my pain (Uh)
Someone who I can run to, who will stay with me when it rains
Someone who I can cry with through the night
Someone who I can trust who's heart is right
And I'm looking for someone

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep me real and who knows the way

The way I like to have my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
im Thinking you're the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be this one I need?

someone who wont take for granted
How much I care (How much I care)
And appreciates that I'm there
Someone who listens
And someone I can call who isn't afraid of love to share

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need? hope it will be a great night out tmr with my babe*

some crazy partying. friends come and go.

and it's finally time for us to go? most probably.

im just an insignificant outsider. not worthy.

...

the saddness and confusion will go away eventually, i guess. brand new week.
brand new day.

hope it's a good day.
hope it's a good week. i guessed i messed up ur life once again.
being my friend is a real disaster for u ya.

i never know being friends can be so difficult.

...

so long. it isn't just black or white. not that simple.



frankly speaking.
i am scared, i am afraid.

the truth is i shouldn't be feeling this way.
because i've no right and in no position to demand a connection,
nor attention.

i can ignore, i can hide.
it's what i did best, anyway.

...

hope friendship lasts. my phone's offically spoilt.
keypads not working.
missed calls never shows.
answered calls never shows.
dialled calls never show as well.

it's time to change a new phone.
time for phone shopping.

xoxo

life's a joke, a prank.
strange, weird and mayb mysterious? full of unexpected surprises?

whenever i am down.
an old friend will always sudden calls or text out of the blue.
keeps me company, brings me out for some air.
bring out that smile of mine - not all the time, but most of the time.
thank u.
really am even if it's just a coincident.

xoxo

how many more coincidence will there be before u'r gone n im complete? sleepless nights.
lay on my bed for 6 hours.
just couldn't get my mind to shut off and rest.
finally fell asleep at 6am..
and i've to wake up at 8am for work.
now im home.

no appeitite.
great way to lose weight.
being depressed is the best way to lose weight.
ha.

watched ah long pte ltd with my family tonight.
couldn't imagine life without them.
thank you all so much..

i'll try to smile.
i'll try to be happy.
i'll try my best to live life.

but how hard do i have to try?
but how long do i need to try?
before i am finally at peace.
just peace.
i am not even hoping for happiness.

the interview went quite bad.
but i have another good news to make me smile a little. just a little.
share that piece of news with my family, and they are all very very happy and proud of me.
there's another person i want to share the news with..
but i was shut off before i could share..

shrug.
mayb ur role in this world is to bring me down
and not to bring out the best in me nor to bring me happiness.

i am scared for another sleepless night,
and the many more nights to come.
trying hard to hold back those tears while typing.
no matter how strong i look, indeed i am bleeding.
where the heart lies, where my life is.

like holding sand in ur hands.
no matter how hard to try to keep those golden sand in ur hands,
it just keep slipping off in between ur fingers.
it just keep slipping.
no matter how hard to try.
the result is.. gone.

i don't speak anymore.
i keep those in the heart.
it kills me.
but what else can i do?

i don't need anymore hurtful words.
i don't need anymore hurtful actions.

i need to start buliding this "wall" around my heart.
i don't want to, but i have to.

all because i dont want to get hurt - again and again like a fool.

i need love.
but love hurts and kill me.

so where am i eventually? no one listen. so i can only talk to myself.
no one understand. so i stopped explaining.
no one care. so i started retreating into my dark corner.
no one love. because that is just the real world.

when the whole world falls apart,
can i still be happy?

xoxo

and if i talked too much.
you won't hear from me again.

xoxo

people might misunderstood me.
i might be that slut, that bitch.
but i don't care.
misunderstood me all u want.
all that i did was because u(they) are still friends, good friends that i cherish.

but i guess being friends is not as simple as it seems.

u befriend someone with a motive.
and when u failed to achieve whatever u deem.
the friendship just snapped.

and that so-called slut, the so-called bitch is..
just a silly girl trying to save that friendship, that joke.

shall move on, shall give up.
because i finally realised..
friends really do come and go.
they don't really stay - forever, not unconditioned. valentine's day.

supposed to be special, and like the saying "love is in the air"

an excuse to do something different, romantic, sweet, exciting - u name it, for ur love.
an excuse to pamper ur darling.
an excuse to surprise ur babe.

a reason to be extra sweet, gentle and loving.

indeed.
when two person's together,
every day can be valentine's day.

it might be just another day.

but it's significance cannot be ignored.

xoxo

i need a hug.

after those exhausted days at work.
on those stressful day.
when i am sad.
when i am crying.
when i need to feel love.
especially when i am feeling insecure and scare.

but, where are u? i've decided.

decided to write in this blog more often - like in the past.
all because i want to get the feel of writing back once again..

2008..
is gonna be an extremely busy year for me,
if everything goes as planned.

x school starting July if my application is successful.
x a part-time job to fill my free time during off days will be starting in march if my interview tmr goes well.
x at least 3 trips to hongkong this year to visit my baby..

...and as for friends, im most probably too busy - if i still have any left. ha.

xoxo

what's the good thing about alcohol and being drunk?
you get to voice out and do everything that u can't when u ain't drunk.
ha. those sub-conscious devilish thoughts.
thoughts and feelings that's being supressed each day.
how pathetic - humans.

...and do u know why holding on till now, being so stubborn?

because i never never never belonged - to u. Happy Chinese New Year*

wanna blog but... out of words.

must be due to the lack of writing recent years - 2 years to be exact.

im sleepy, so so sleepy..

never like the idea of being mentioned in other ppl's blog - people who i don't even know nor do they know me - at all.