sleepless nights.
lay on my bed for 6 hours.
just couldn't get my mind to shut off and rest.
finally fell asleep at 6am..
and i've to wake up at 8am for work.
now im home.

no appeitite.
great way to lose weight.
being depressed is the best way to lose weight.
ha.

watched ah long pte ltd with my family tonight.
couldn't imagine life without them.
thank you all so much..

i'll try to smile.
i'll try to be happy.
i'll try my best to live life.

but how hard do i have to try?
but how long do i need to try?
before i am finally at peace.
just peace.
i am not even hoping for happiness.

the interview went quite bad.
but i have another good news to make me smile a little. just a little.
share that piece of news with my family, and they are all very very happy and proud of me.
there's another person i want to share the news with..
but i was shut off before i could share..

shrug.
mayb ur role in this world is to bring me down
and not to bring out the best in me nor to bring me happiness.

i am scared for another sleepless night,
and the many more nights to come.
trying hard to hold back those tears while typing.
no matter how strong i look, indeed i am bleeding.
where the heart lies, where my life is.

like holding sand in ur hands.
no matter how hard to try to keep those golden sand in ur hands,
it just keep slipping off in between ur fingers.
it just keep slipping.
no matter how hard to try.
the result is.. gone.

i don't speak anymore.
i keep those in the heart.
it kills me.
but what else can i do?

i don't need anymore hurtful words.
i don't need anymore hurtful actions.

i need to start buliding this "wall" around my heart.
i don't want to, but i have to.

all because i dont want to get hurt - again and again like a fool.

i need love.
but love hurts and kill me.

so where am i eventually?